warning : this post includes vulnerability
I have been so thankful for Nate's smiling face the past few weeks!
As you know June brought the much anticipated move back into our house. In order to do the renovation we saved for 5 years, planned for a year, and built for 6 months.I also got to fight with a few bankers along the way :) We put our heart and soul into this project. We planned an extra room upstairs in our house and prayed for another baby. Our prayers were answered and our baby was due to join us in January. Days after we moved in I lost the baby and my heart broke. I experienced a sadness I have never known. The house seemed like an unimportant material thing. I did not want to unpack or continue to move in. The house represented something that I controlled, something that I worked for and planned for and it went according to plan because of our persistence and hard work, yet I was living a difficult reality that was completely out of my control.
A few days later I found myself in the hospital and there is nothing to make you feel more powerless than going into an OR. I realized that I am not in control and that I am thankful that I love and serve a faithful God who is in control and loves us despite ourselves. This has taken hold of my heart in a new way the past few days. I know that this baby was not his plan for us and I am thankful for all the wonderful things that have been part of the plan that God has given my life. I am honored to be Nate's mother. I am so thankful for all the joy that he brings and that in times like these his smiling face is the best medicine.
I reminded and encourage that "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"-Romans 8:28